20 Searches I’m Thankful For

It’s almost Thanksgiving, the one day all year where we make a strong effort to stop the bitching and reflect on the blessings that were bestowed upon up this year. Though it hasn’t quite wrapped, 2009 has been one hell of a year for me personally. It’s the year Outspoken was born, the year I was forced to prove what I was really made of, and the year where I kept pointing to our Press page to prove to my parents I had a job. It was also a year where I laughed. A LOT.  Like, a lot a lot.

Today I thought I’d pay tribute to some of the zany Web searches that Outspoken Media sees that help keep me laughing.  It’s a little bit of fun before you’re forced to sit at a table with people you purposely avoid all year and secretly want to do horrible things to with rusty spoons. I mean…z0mg funny Web searches!

Here are my 20 favorite searches from the past month. Feel free to share some of the wacky searches people are using to find your own site. We’ll get a giggle chain going. [It’s not dirty, I promise.]

1. [barone sox red variety outspoken media]: – First of all, WHAT THE HELL? Second, this phrase was searched on 14 times. Four. Teen. You people scare me a little.
2. [how to protect my mac laptop from being stolen]: Simple. Just put it next to a blue Dell. History proves it will be the Dell that’s swiped, not the two Mac books that were sitting RIGHT NEXT TO IT.
3. [lisa barone seth godin]: This isn’t really weird. It just amuses me. Still.
4. [I hate bloggers]: Dude. Get in line.
5. [site:outspokenmedia.com rainbows]: Puppies! Marshmallows! Baby feet! What? Actually, this search was probably me looking for something but it still makes me laugh.
6. [there’s more to life than sex]: Yuh huh.
7. [what to be remembered for]: Being awesome? Knee socks?  Your cars? I don’t know. You figure it out.
8. [yelp is awesome]: Isn’t it so cute when you find Yelp employees conducting searches on the Internetz?
9. [naked wemen]: If you can’t spell “women”, you don’t deserve Internet porn. Go read a book. Preferably one without pictures.
10. [lisa barone you just suck]: I love you too, Internet! Kisses!
11. [It’s not the size, it’s how you use it]: Probably the [naked wemen] dude a few hours later.
12. [guy chat]: You can make your own joke. Mine aren’t publishable.
13. [how much do I love you let me count the ways]: Most likely Ezra Butler hitting on me again. Good morning, beautiful.
14. [leaving 9 to 5 world]: Hopefully we encouraged this dude out of corporate hell and didn’t scare him back into it.  Hang in there, man.
15. [my computer was stolen, what do i need to do to proteck my self]: Based on the spelling of “proteck” and “my self”, we’ve decided this search is probably the work of Michael Streko.  In that case, you need to sign up more usernames.
16. [painless ways to hurt yourself]: Right. And I’M the emoest emo in the land.
17. [fb_addgravatar get_avatar]: I…um…have no idea what this means but it’s probably very smart.
18. [lisa barone cupcake]: Don’t make me kick you in the teeth.
19. [lisa on internet marketing]: Oprah’s retiring. I’m taking her slot and launching this show.
20. [take advantage of online video marketing to increase your home care business clientele]: Behold! The 13-word search query!  I didn’t think those actually existed.

If you’re celebrating Thanksgiving this week, I hope it’s a great one filled with great memories, delicious turkey and lots of laughs.  If you’re not celebrating Thanksgiving this week…well, you’ll be greeted with a much quieter Internet. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.  Make sure to score yourself some pie, as well.

Happy Thanksgiving, Internet!