Wemen Suck at Social Media


Lazy Rae Hoffman is goofing off again, this time thousands of miles away in Dublin, Ireland. She took her Lisa with her, and sent Rhea into the hills on a quest to find her family (check her Facebook page for pictures). That leaves me this awesome opportunity to plaster my own message all over the Outspoken Media blog. It’s not often I can get a word in edgewise with these Women of Social Media around, given their genetically-granted gift of the gab and their mutant (genetically speaking, of course) outspoken nature. Like any man should, I will now take advantage of the opportunity. Hi. My name is John Andrews. I’m an SEO consultant in Seattle. How do you like me so far?

Today on the Outspoken Media blog, I’d like to discuss Why We Men Suck at Social Media.

We Men Dominate Tech; Women Dominate Social Media. Which Matters More?

Men have traditionally dominated the workplace since way back, like, in the stone age. And by dominate I mean just that… overpower the other sex(es) and rule. Men at the top. Men as managers. Men getting the interviews, men getting the jobs, men getting educations. Men have ruled the world for ages — or so I am told. I wasn’t actually there for most of history, and I can’t find much mention of scary women like the Trung sisters (leading an army of 80,000 to drive China out of Viet Nam?), and Gudit Isat, (a woman, and one of very few people able to successfully repel the advance of the Christians, in Ethiopia of all places, the resting place of the Ark of the Covenant and not coincidentally the birthplace of King Solomon’s muse, the Queen of Sheba!). Perhaps, as some feministas claim, there has been a conspiracy preventing us from knowing about powerful women ruling over men throughout history. Perhaps not. But right now women are clearly taking over social media, and that, my friend, is a big deal.

Wonder Woman of Amazonia

Wonder Woman of Amazonia

Social Media is taking over the Internet, and it’s taking over because the modern web is all about relationships. I know. Ewwwwww. It’s no longer about facts, or who has already done something before, or who knows the correct answers right now. It’s about who can find the answers. Who has the best network. Who has the connections and can leverage them. It’s social.

A guy can write freakin’ poetic program code, have the biggest fist and the deadliest roundhouse kick, but if he doesn’t have patience and sympathy, well, let’s just say the future doesn’t look so bright. On the web you can’t just force your way to your destination any more, whether it’s via SEO or a massive back link campaign or even a big ad spend. You have to massage the audience, or influence the marketplace, or tease out the desired results. What matters today is the silly soft emotional stuff we guys got used to mocking over the years. The wussie stuff. Women own that stuff. And things are rapidly getting worse. Some analysts are predicting the cycle of transition away from a technical web to a social web will reinforce itself until we men are not only left out, but are seen as less valuable:

“Women’s behavior online…is less transactional and more relationship-driven. They spend more time on social networks building relationships, communicating with friends, and making new friends. Married women use social networks to share pictures and treat their network profiles as family home pages to share with friends and relatives. And because they use social networks to be social, a dollar spent marketing to acquire a female user goes a lot further than on a male user. Thanks to these realities, expect social networks of the future to keep catering to women and all but alienate men… because social media are so much more “in tune” with women, male audiences will be increasingly seen as less valuable than female ones. We already know that women spend more and make more purchasing decisions than men, and women seem to be more likely to tell their friends about their purchases: so an advertiser will get a double benefit from female consumers.”

Ouch! This isn’t looking good for us dudes.

Don’t Believe Me? Take a Look Around!

This transition is well under way in search marketing land. Over at Bruce Clay, one of the oldest search marketing firms, the Social Media talking heads are named Virginia and Susan. Girl names. See what I mean? Here at Outspoken Media, it’s Rae (a waitress at one time don’tcha know), Rhea (who wears a pink superhero suit at conferences) and Lisa “men-dont-wear-stockings” Barone. See what I’m saying? Rae’s avatar is a sexy silhouette of a woman holding an automatic weapon, James Bond-like. I suppose she’s d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s, too. Real subtle, eh? But don’t consider them too casually. These women mean business. And it just might be your business they mean to take away.

Check out 10e20, a marketing firm previously controlled by Chris-as-in-Christopher Winfield. For weeks now, things have been changing over at 10e20. It’s nothing but Vivienne this and Rebecca that, Rebecca blogging and the Twitter overflowing with photos all-about-Vivienne. Rebecca and Vivienne, I remind you, are not boy names. And in case you didn’t notice, Rebecca is now “Director of Social Media” at 10e20. He who controls the media controls everything.. or should I say “she” who controls the media. The women are clearly making moves here.

And this groundswell of femalia is not limited to smaller marketing firms. Did you notice Yahoo! is no longer a search engine, and has focused entirely on Social Media? The CEO is a girl. You simply can’t make this stuff up.

So let’s cut right to the chase, and identify Why We Men Suck at Social Media, and Women Rule:

1. Most Men Help Women

Most balanced and reasonable professional men are predisposed to want to help and protect women. So even though the women are competing against us, we help them. Duh. I know.

2. Most Men Don’t Help Other Men, preferring to Compete

In general, men respect each other for achieving without any outside help. Ask a guy if he needs help, and he’ll reply “Nope. I got it.” Compare that to what a girl would say. See? In addition, men like to compete with each other. Women support each other; men banter. Which tactic leads to group dominance? I told you so.

3. Most Women Help Other Women

Just count all the “Women of Internet Marketing” and “Women of Social Media” articles out there, written by women. And the award programs for Women Entrepreneurs, Women Executives, etc. Now try and find “The Men of Social Media” written by a guy, celebrating his male idols. Right. How about an awards program that is limited to guys only, with no women allowed? Good luck!

4. Some Women Won’t Help Men

There is a sub population of women who see men as the competition, not to be aided. By selectively not helping men (with links, or cross promotion, or strategic alliances) these women further compound the women-helping-women advantage already noted.

That’s it. Four reasons why women are beating us men at Social Media, and two of them are our own fault. Men suck at Social Media. To make matters worse, the four compound each other. At this rate, women will win any game involving relationships and support networks, including Social Media, and soon the entire web. Unless we start working together to revert this disaster before it grows beyond control, we dudes are toast.

At least that’s how I see it. What do you think? Comments are open.

Your Comments

  • chris

    Wow, what a dick :)

  • Todd Mintz

    …and I’m sure most of the Twitter bots were set up by men…

    As usual, a very perceptive post well spoken.

  • Kimba

    Great post! Really enjoyed the read!

  • Jacob Stoops

    Funny post! You’re right, sometimes I’d rather just hole up in my man-cave and watching sports than be social. @Todd Mintz is probably right about the Twitter bots :) As a man, I like efficiency and power, with minimal effort, so getting a bot to do something for me is optimal (but not good for social)…

  • Rhea Drysdale

    We ARE taking over, so it’s better for everyone if the guys just hand us all of their scripts and clients now. That’d be great, thanks! :)

    See that… the power of suggestion. I bet one of you silly men was swayed by my pretty red hair.

  • Josh W.

    Very nicely said. If I may add an example. I try and get some SM interaction going all day with very little result. When I get home, my wife is replying to all 21 comments on her facebook status update. And then has the nerve to make me believe she thinks social media is silly. Not only are the smart and talented, but beautiful and sneaky too.

  • Scott Clark

    Ah, phoey. Guys will just write some software that helps ’em sound more feminine in the social web. Problem Solved!

  • Samir Balwani

    Awesome article, great read. A very interesting perspective on social media and gender. Surprised you didn’t talk about how women are more likely to use social media to begin with.

  • cory huff

    Stumbled & Twittered. Very funny!

    Seriously something to think about though, and good writing.

  • Rebecca Kelley

    I’m not the brains of 10e20, I just play one on TV. :)

  • Jill

    I’m amazed you are finally figuring things out ;)

  • Dr. Pete

    What about us metrosexuals? We still get to keep our clients, right? I’m sensitive, really I am – I’m looking at a picture of a kitten right now.

  • Michael D

    Reconnaissance mission is in order… must hang out with more women. :)

  • Gil Reich

    Great and enjoyable piece, thanks. Generally speaking, as society continues to progress, the subtler skills become more important. Personally I hope it leads to more personal and professional success for everyone, and less insistence that we have to deny our differences in order to get along.

  • Michael Martin

    Is it because men are actually DOING it & Women merely just TALK/TWEET about it?!? :)

    ,Michael Martin

  • veezy

    “Men love to hate. It’s what separates us from the females of the species. It’s a natural law in Wild America.” – Bullet

  • Adrienne Doss

    Tweeting and talking is “doing it” these days.

  • Anthony Verre

    Very insight piece. While it does perpetuate the stereotypes that have ensnared us for ages, there is a reason generalizations do hold up. Call it socialization, call it cultural training.

    The last decade has shown, IMHO, the flourishing of “ALPHA” women in the SEM/SEO/SMM marketplace. And with that will, eventually, come the downfall of women. Most people seem to forget that WOMEN view other WOMEN as competition, be it for male partners, resources, and, in this case, business. Just as men are hyper-business-competitive, so to are women.

    All the names you listed above certainly qualify in the ALPHA category. They may have a feminine exterior, but make no mistake, they’ll as soon “cut-a-throat” than lose business to another female competitor. Just Sayin’

  • andrew wee


    I am suspecting you might be a woman in disguise.
    So many words.
    So many word pictures.
    If that ain’t the gift of the gab, I have no idea what is.

    Great food for thought, if tech is the platform and it’s already been established then social media is the app that resides on the platform. As we all know the apps are usually more useful than the platform, so what’s it mean in the longterm vis-a-vis the SEO vs social media debate?

    Gender re-assignment, anyone?

  • Karen Brown

    awesome post – glad to see a man who really gets his place in the overall scheme of things!!! we women have our own strategy for world dominance by more subtle means than armies and bombs can ever achieve. Because if you haven’t conquered hearts and minds, you haven’t conquered at all.

  • Nick Gowdy

    Excellent post.

    I find it telling that I’ve never heard a woman say, “I don’t get Twitter,” but I hear it from guys all the time. “What’s the point,” they ask, and I can’t help but worry for the future of my gender. We seem destined to dwell mostly in the “lurker” 90% of the 90-9-1 principle, like socially-awkward wallflowers at a school dance. Maybe we can learn a thing or two about building relationships from our new female social media overlords…

  • Anna Barbosa

    Admitting you have a problem is half of your recovery. Where can I get one of those pink superhero suits? ;-)
    Great article. “You Rock!”( for a dude)

  • Mary Dean

    Today SM. Tomorrow the world. I was prepared to hate you, but you’re too smart and funny. Thanks for the post.

  • john andrews

    Thanks for the comments and kind words. One never knows how far one can push things when guest blogging, but at the same time, hyperbole in social media can fail or even backfire if not “hyperbolic enough”.

    If you wonder how much I believe “all” men suck at Social Media, or how much I honestly believe that women succeed only because men support them, do introduce yourself next time our paths cross. We can do the social thing without the media. I’ll be at Think Tank in September and Pubcon in November, at least., and in the mean time at johnon.com

  • Andrew@iGoMogul

    If social media is only marketed towards women, then why is it that all of my ads on Facebook are for single female gamers? Is this because all female gamers are secretly men, thus projecting that I, like some women, should also be enamored of men? I am so very confused. I feel like the last kid to be picked for a game of baseball.

  • Jeff Ball

    Interesting thoughts on a long term shift in the balance of power.

    John makes some valid points which go beyond SEO and social media. I have discussed the link to change management and projects on my blog article:
    Project managers should think about sex

  • vanessa morton

    I don’t see why it such a big deal. Who really cares people have weekness.Who really has the time to do this .Someone with no life!Have a great day

  • elton braddon

    Wow! Just a funny post.. in particular the no.2 “Most Men Don’t Help Other Men, preferring to Compete” : yes, that’s right.. for a man it’s not easy to help other man.. for example, if I’m in trouble, I think I dont accept the help from a man.. ok little trouble :) not big problem like fire :D